Inspired by some recent discussions and blogs that have taken a critical look at their own professions and some individuals in it, such as this on personal trainers by Bret Contreras, I thought I would do the same and reflect on the 10 worst types of therapist I have had the misfortune to come across in my career.
But before I get started, a word of warning!
If you are the sensitive type, or like your blogs a little more serious, then you may not want to read on any further.
But, if you do read on and you begin to feel angry or agitated, then you may want to ask yourself why? Is it that I’ve touched a nerve and some of these traits are uncomfortably familiar in yourself? If so, don’t panic, there is some advice on what to do at the end!
Let me also make it crystal clear that I am addressing all therapy professions here, physios, osteos, chiros, sports, remedial, soft tissue etc etc, I refer to you all equally and cast you all under the same scrutiny, in equal measure. No profession in my opinion can claim superiority over another.
So without further ado, lets get started and look at the 10 worst types of therapist…
No 1: The ‘my therapy is better than your therapy’ Therapist
Like it or not, there is a hidden, and sometimes not so hidden, hierarchal war between the therapy professions that makes ‘Game of Thrones’ look like a child’s nursery rhyme. Many therapists can often be heard bitching and slagging off other professions, claiming that the way they have been trained is far more superior and far more ‘sciencey’ than the others.
These therapists pontificate about how their methods and approaches are more effective in getting patients better, quicker, easier than others, and because they have been established since 1463 during the regin of King Archibold III they are the senior profession and so therefore the best!
Bullshit! There is as much of the good, the bad and the ugly in all the therapy professions. Non can claim any superiority or moral high gound over any other. All have their merits, all have their embarrassments.
Personally as a physio, I am biased to the physios profession, often finding myself immensely proud to call myself one, but unfortunately I am also just as often embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed to call myself one, as some muppet goes and says or does something stupid, gimmicky or pseudoscientific.
No 2: The ‘lastest fad’ Therapist
Fluorescent stretchy tape, metal massage tools, electro acupuncture, myofascial release, anatomy trains, thoracic rings… you name it these therapists will claim it is the best thing ever to happen to the profession and that it is the most effective, useful, wonderful method for fixing patients ever… until next month when the next sparkly gimmick comes along!
These therapists will jump from fad to fad, they will buy the gadgets, they will ask their patients to buy the gadgets, they will defend the gadgets and the guru teachers of these wonder cures from any skeptisim and critique.
But more importantly they will loose sight of what they should be doing with their patients. The giving of simple honest advice combined with progressive movements and exercise. These therapists stop thinking for themselves, instead letting some guru infest their own clinical reasoning with distorted profit driven bullshit.
No 3: The ‘guru’ Therapist
Eloquent, confident, witty, and usually good looking, the ‘guru’ therapist is able to enthrall and dazzle audiences with their charisma and charm. They show therapists the errors of their ways, how they have been doing it all wrong and how if they do it their way it will be better. The guru therapist has a slick website and marketing image, they develop a loyal following and surround themselves with sycophants who hang off every word they say. They reject and attack any skeptisim or critique as being disrespectful or having an impolite ‘tone’ and so refuse to debate with any impertinent up start who has any opposing views.
The ‘guru’ therapist will have many, many anecdotal stories, pictures and videos of patients demonstrating amazing instant improvements, they may even do live demonstrations of these impressive feats during their
courses ‘shows’ and book launches. What they wont show you is any peer reviewed evidence or be able to explain why these methods are not repeatable in other situations/enviroments, blaming the therapists for doing the method incorrectly, rather than let the method itself come under scrutiny.
No 4: The ‘celebrity’ Therapist
More concerned about WHO they treat than HOW they treat, the celebrity therapist will attempt to prove their credentials and skills by showing photos of them standing next to, shaking hands with, hugging, or even posing in a cheesy thumbs up position with a ‘celebrity’.
The celebrity therapist will boast about their status and their famous friends as often and as vociferously as they can, claiming that they were hand picked to support the celebrity due to their reputation or skill set, when in fact it is usually only due to a friend of a friend pulling a few strings to get them connected.
And when I say ‘celebrity’ therapists I am very much including professional sports therapists here. Despite it being a very popular career choice, working as a professional sports therapist is NOT the pinnacle of the skill tree or the clever ladder. Just because a therapist has worked in professional sport does NOT automatically make them more skilled, more qualified, more intelligent, than any other therapist, they are simply more used to working with a different client group, which has its pros and cons for them.
No 5: The ‘I’ve got more qualifications than you’ Therapist
These therapists are easy to spot, they are the ones who always place the full 26 letters after their name on every single letter or email eg Dr A Noying BSc (hons), MSc, PhD, MACP, SRP, CSP, CSCS, NASA, ASAP, PDQ, JLS, DFS… FFS!
They think these initals are like medals to be displayed and the more the better. They also tend to go to great lengths to introduce themselves by their qualifications when you first meet them, telling you very quickly which university they are associated with, and will soon ask you for your affiliations and qualifications to decide if its worth talking to you any further.
They seem to think qualifications are all thats needed to make a good therapist, they think reading research, or starring down a microscope, or working in a video analysis lab tells them how best to manage patients, not that many of them have acutally managed a patient for many years, if at all.
They have forgetten that being a therapist isn’t just about treating pathology, its about treating PEOPLE with pathology.
No 6: The ‘I’ve got more experience than you’ Therapist
Thirty eight years doing this job and these therapists have been around since the dawn of time. They are the Yoda’s of the professions. They can be spotted by the wise forlorn look in their eyes, the weathered and worn hands from years of manual therapy and are often seen flicking through the current pension investers handbook. Although immensely wise and experienced in the art of dealing with people, most of these matriarchs are now unfortunately hopelessly out of touch with current practice, having long ago becoming tired of the constant change in practice and methods, and so have given up.
They have not attended a course since 1986 which was on current concepts in faraday bathing, and the last journal article they read was on how friction massage breaks adhesions and increases blood flow. They think the profession is on a merry-go-round and if they stay still long enough it wont be long before what they have always done comes back into vogue. They are now quick to crush new ideas and thinking as youthful exuberance and inexperience, and are keen for younger therapists to learn from them and follow in their ways happy now to trust their years of past experience rather than current research or evidence.
No 7: The ‘lazy unfit’ Therapist
The lazy, unfit, and usually over weight therapists are easy to spot, they happily give out advice and education to patients on lifestyle and exercise left, right and centre, yet it is clearly obvious they do not follow their own advice. They are the ‘do as I say, not do as I do’ therapists.
These fatties, are quick to advise patients do more exercise, get fitter or stronger yet look like they haven’t run to the end of the street since they were a kid, or lifted anything remotely heavy repeatedly apart from their own fridge door. They will often ask a patient to do an exercise that they themselves have never done or are unable to do, and when on the rare occurrence they do attempt to demonstrate an exercise they tend to look like a drunken walrus… on roller skates… with bad asthma!
No 8: The ‘functional movement’ Therapist
These therapists are also easy to spot, they will be wearing Vibrams, or worse walking about in bare feet, carrying a copy of ‘Become a Supple Leopard’ and tend to say triplanar, or 3D in every other sentance. These are the disciples of Applied Functional Science. They insist all must do backward lunges with trunk rotation and a contralateral shoulder driver. Poor old Ethel only came in for some exercise after her knee replacement!
The functional movement therapist has no time for frivolous nonsense like squats, deadlifts or shoulder presses, instead insisting they work on floor mats with grids and crosses marked out all over it, Kaiser cable machines and voodoo bands. The functional movement therapist also has no time for any exercise that invovles standing on two legs, or moving both limbs together. Simply put if you ain’t standing on one leg, on a bosu whilst waving a limb about you just ain’t functional bro!
No 9: The ‘alternative’ Therapist
These therapists are often seen munching on some vegan lentil soya bean salad whilst discussing how their chakra is off center due to some mis alignment in the planets this week. They will consult the horoscopes and astrology charts rather than research journals, and have an array of strange shaped rocks and lumps of coloured glass on their desks that they occasionally rub over patients, thats if they touch them at all, usually preferring to work on patients auras and energy fields.
They will also constantly talk about the life force that flows through all of us, yet have absolutely no idea who Obi Wan Kenobi is or understand you when you tell them “these are not the droids you are looking for”
No 10: The ‘profit driven’ Therapist
I saved the worst type of therapist for last. The profit driven therapist is a cancer in all of the therapy professions, and needs to be hunted down, exposed, and then eradicated. These therapists are more interested in patient retention than turnover. They are more interested in cross sales than outcome. They are more interested in money than patient welfare. Dont get me wrong I am all for people making an honest living and fair payment for professional services, but there are some therapists that have NOT got their moral compasses set straight.
therapists scumbags will often get patients to sign up to expensive, extended treatment plans, requiring multiple visits, by instilling fear and selling sickness, they depend on patients developing a sense of trust and need on what ever pseudo scientific bullshit they are pedalling in a belief that it is fixing or curing them. They will also ensure patients have brought orthotics, tape, braces, foam rollers and any other add ons that they can push onto the poor patient regardless if they need them or not.
They advertise their services anywhere and everywhere, rather than rely on word of mouth, as they have none. They are usually in collaboration or partnership with other likeminded
businesses scumbags and all tend promote each other and form groups that self feed referrals and so more profit for each other. These are the worst type of therapists and need to be pushed out of the profession.
So there you go, thats my look at the worst types of therapists. If you do recognise a few traits here in yourself, don’t be mad, and don’t panic, none of us are perfect, me far from it, I’ve been a good few on this list during my career. However, if you do recognise a few things in yourself, whats more important now is what are you going to do about it?
Remember making mistakes isn’t a crime, not learning from them is…
Learn, improve, and become the best you can be to help those that matter the most, our patients!
Thanks for reading